I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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