He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
