But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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