Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My feet surprised me
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