He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
