You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
