you traded sex for a burrito?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
