Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
