I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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