He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I need water and some morals
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
