Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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