if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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