i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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