remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
