Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
