they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
