Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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