you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
