hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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