the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
