you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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