Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
