We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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