I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
