the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just googled if crying burns calories
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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