It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
