Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
