I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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