its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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