Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
