How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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