i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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