He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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