I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
