i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
