Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
