well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
