You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
