Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i will never coherently bang her
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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