Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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