I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
