Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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