my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm always down for nudity.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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