You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
