So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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