If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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