i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
