she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
