whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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