Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
