Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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