Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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