You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
