my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
