lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
