Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize