Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
