ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
