as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
