So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
honey bunches of taint.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
