I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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