yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
