i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
