If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
