Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
