had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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