can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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