Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
