the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
