u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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