My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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