Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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