Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
